Now that I’ve written my requisite feel-good post about the Olympics, I’m feeling compelled to write something a little more down-to-earth and self-centered.
I went shopping today at a trendy little boutique nearby. I have a 50% off coupon — how could I resist? I was excited to get a couple of shirts or accessories or maybe even a new pair of jeans. But I found myself uncomfortable, so I want to write about my experience to try to figure out why I felt the way I did.
I’m feeling better about my body these days — I’m 6 pounds from my goal weight and 10 pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight (but I was really too skinny). And I’m loving finally having something ‘up top’! I was always flat-chested, but can’t complain about a C cup! For those of you who wonder what my secret to weight loss is, I’m sorry to disappoint, but I’ve been doing nothing but breastfeeding and eating twice as much as I normally would. (I’m very nervous about what will happen when I stop breastfeeding, but we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it…)
So why do I find shopping for clothes to be so not fun?
Well, for one thing, my body has changed a lot. I may not be very far from my goal weight, but I’ve got plenty of pooch left in my tummy. My hips definitely widened a bit, as well. And the boobs? They change the way everything fits. Sometimes for the better, but not always. I’m finding myself having to buy clothes a size larger than I used to. (Cry me a river, I know.)
When it comes right down to it, it’s just that the things I usually find “cute” are not designed for my post-baby body. Even after 7 months, I’m having to adjust. I usually end up in jeans and t-shirts because at least I can pull that off.
Okay, so I was frustrated by the fact that nothing was fitting the way I expected.
Add to that the fact that there was a young girl in there shopping with her mom for sorority rush dresses.
Normally, I don’t even pay attention to other customers. But for some reason, when I heard her explain to the clerk that she was looking for a dress for pref night, I just felt old.
It’s only been 9 years since I went off to college myself. And just a year or so ago, I was still connected to some of my college friends and even knew some of the students (albeit by association). And really, 9 years is not that long.
But the last 7 months have made college suddenly seem like ages ago. I was in such a different time in my life then — worried about classes and classmates and professors. And beyond that… my life before the baby was born was just so different from what it is now. And it feels like I’m so far removed from that life.
This is not a complaint, though! I would not trade my life now for anything. It sounds cliche, but I mean it.
I felt uncomfortable shopping today because I suddenly felt out of place in the store. Like a 27 year old mom (yeah, see? I’m not that old!) doesn’t belong in a trendy boutique where college girls shop. I know it’s not true, but I still felt suddenly ancient, underdressed, and frumpy… like I didn’t belong.
I don’t know what the purpose of this post is, other than to write all this down. None of these feelings are new, exactly. I’m just still trying to figure out where I fit now that I’m a mom and a woman still in her twenties. I feel both very old and very young at the same time. And sometimes I feel a little lost in the social sphere because of that.
I think (read: know) I need to make some more mommy friends in the area, but it’s just so hard to meet people. (It’s not exactly like I can randomly approach a couple with a baby at a restaurant and ask if they want to hang out. Though I have suggested to D that we do this on multiple occasions.)
Not sure how to end this post, but do any other moms out there feel this way? Or have suggestions on how to meet other moms? Or where to shop? Or how to deal?
This is Sesame. 